W.Y.P. LIVE - TUESDAY, AUGUST 11 at 7:30pm Pacific Standard Time
Watch Cathy DeBuono bring you her vlog What's Your Problem live on SheWired Tuesday night at 7:30 PST. Streaming live, Cathy and Lucia will address a letter from a 21 year old lesbian from Germany who is worried about her reoccuring nightmares that have haunted her since she came out to her parents a year before moving out to attend university.
Dear Cathy,
I'm 21 and from Germany. About 4 years ago I had to come out to my parents. I had a girlfriend and my mother was suspicious that she wasn't only a friend so she searched though my room and found some love letters my girlfriend wrote me. My mother confronted me with the letters and I was honest and told her that I'm gay. She freaked out and said I should never see this girl again and that she turned me gay. My father agreed.
I told my girlfriend that I had to come out to my parents and she broke up with me the same week. Since I had one year left until I graduate school I decided to keep quiet and not cause trouble until I move out. During that time my parents controlled my mail and denied my friends to visit me because they all knew I was gay and did not tell my parents.
I was home alone with my parents most of the time because whenever I wanted to go somewhere they started to interrogate me about what I do with whom.
After 6 months I started to have nightmares but it wasn't very bad at first and I thought it was connected to living with my parents. The nightmares continued after I moved out (little more than 2 years ago) and got worse. I don't want to bother you with details they are so bad that I don't want to sleep. I told my best friend about it and he sent me to a therapist.
The therapist wasn't helping at all. He told me that I should join a women's group or something similar. I did not but I met some nice people at the university and go out sometimes. Right now only women over 50 and couples looking for a three-way are interested but I'm sure that I will meet a nice girl one day that is more in my age.
Anyway, the nightmares are so bad so that I try not to sleep. I don't take drugs or drink. I set the alarm every 2 hours and wake up before I start to dream. Or I stay awake for 2 and sometimes 3 nights so I don't remember any dream when I do have to sleep. I usually jog when I get tired. But my grades are good and I don't have any problems with it, except being tired. My friends are worried and doubt it's healthy and sane.
I know where the nightmares come from because I have more when I visit my parents. Or they get worse when my mother calls me and blames me for her depressions. I think that is her way to tell me that I should not be gay since she can't control my life anymore.
I still have 2 years of financial dependence in front of me so I don't know what I can do to sleep peaceful. I'm not depressed and not sure if it is a real problem. I'm only confused and wanted to know if you got an advice how to get rid of the nightmares. Thank you very much and have a nice day.
Best regards,
B
Cathy asked for her to describe the dreams:
Hi Cathy,
I did not expect your answer so soon. Thank you for your response. My nightmares are different. The nice ones are where some man is hunting me and I wake up when he catches me. I never see his face.
The places vary between alleys and tunnels, but always dark. Sometimes its a monster or disfigured people instead of the man. Then I look for protection or ask other people for help. I wake up when they catch me and cut my throat.
I'm not worried about those nightmares. The ones that give me sleepless nights are the nightmares I don't tell my friends about. I don't want them to think I'm evil or something. Before I tell you about them I want to say that I'm not violent or sadistic. And I don't want to re-enact them in real life.
The first one of that kind was when I drowned an old woman in a bathtub. And now I choke or stab my friends. Only the female ones I love the most.
Thank you so much for your response.
B.
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posted by cathy@cathydebuono.com at
3:03 PM
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